Dredging the past

Many would say that the past is best left in the past, that it can serve no purpose to expose the pain and misery that our descendants suffered. I have always advocated knowing the truth, past to present. The past is a complete education; an ancestor's misery can be our road sign to avoid pitfalls. The past can also inspire and instruct. A family history is so much more than a bunch of facts and figures, though those are important too. I have always believed that. Until I talked to Kevin last night.

He didn't know that Grampa had a sister.

You see, I always have assumed that because Anne's kids are older than us, that they knew more about the family than did we. After all, they had years with Grampa when he was younger, more vibrant and capable of remembering in greater detail... not that his mind was ever dull. They would have done the same homework requiring the construction of a family tree... I thought. Apparently that was not always the back to school assignment of choice for teachers then. So I tell Kevin about Erna as he had not read the blog yet. And he didn't know.

How could he not know about her? How could he not know about Willie either? And this makes me wonder how much more I want to know. I mean, what could make siblings disavow any knowledge of each other? I was told it was about a recipe and working in the bakery. David Gerbstadt of PA said the same thing. But since I didn't know that Gramma Ada was Jewish, I wonder if the recipe was just a convenient disguise for bigotry in the family. And here is the thing... David knew about Grampa. We just didn't know about David and his family. so I wonder, again, what keeps you from acknowledging your siblings to your children and grandchildren?

It is sad. And I don't think I want to know. I almost idolize Grampa for the contributions he made to my becoming who I am. How will I feel about him if I find out that he was the reason there was a fight and he was the one who would not forgive? But what if I find that I like these other cousins and we become friends? Would Grampa think it was betrayal to like someone he clearly did not? Is even looking a betrayal of Grampa's love?

Of course, I could be too close to the whole thing since it is my family and there are generational patterns playing out even now with my own siblings. Grampa had told someone about Willie... mom and Anne fought about namesakes. And I remember several occasions where Gramma Olive rode Grampa about it, resulting in better details for the homework. I just wish that I remembered more than I did. I think. But still... no one mentioned Erna except to tease Aunt Anne about a name she said was not hers. How does this happen? Do I want to know?